The Isis Files: Rise of a System Lord
by Eilidh17
Summary: Kidfic. The continuing story of O'Neill and his battles with Daniel's cat Isis. Isis is raising an army.


**Rise of a System Lord**

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

I lower my newspaper and peer over the top of the rumpled pages, shooting Teal'c my best 'what the heck' frown; an expression he answers in equal measure with a questioning cock of one eyebrow and the barest twitch of a smile.

"Philosophy at 8am on a Sunday?" I ask, only guessing at the time. Sky, yardarm… looks about right. "You couldn't have waited another hour or so until breakfast was over, so I'd have something to throw up in response?"

Teal'c lowers his eyebrow and presses it into a frown. "A philosophical riddle is best enjoyed when one has had plenty of rest. Did you not sleep well last night, O'Neill?"

"Not the point."

"I believe it is. The sports results do not alter with each successive read, and you have scoured the local gazette for all the pertinent information several times. Thus, I can only conclude your inattention is due to a lack of rest."

"Which has what to do with a tree not making a sound as it falls?"

"Sound is a medium for which we…" Teal'c smiles warmly and cocks his head to one side. "Nothing at all."

"Really?" Well, that's settled then, back to the sports pages. "I'm so glad we had this conversation."

"We have had no conversation at all, O'Neill. You failed to answer my question."

"Teal'c, sleep is overrated and scores about as high in my books as synchronized swimming for a team bonding exercises."

"Indeed." Teal'c reached out and plucks the newspaper away; smirking devilishly as he folds it and tucks it under one arm. "I believe you should avail yourself of the opportunity to rest while I sit on Daniel Jackson."

Sit on Daniel? "The term is 'baby-sit', Teal'c, and I'm not about to leave you alone with the kid and his cat. No way, not going to happen."

"Then I am unsure as to why you requested my presence today."

"Oh…" I reach for my coffee and tip my head towards the double glass doors that lead out into the yard. "The grass needs cutting. I would have asked Carter, but the last time she was here she got all wrapped up in some toddler's beauty queen pageant and we ended up arguing over entering Daniel."

"A contest of some sort?"

"Of the worst kind."

"You do not believe he would win?"

"Not the point. I'm more worried about what he'll do to me if Carter ever figures out how to upsize him and he remembers the details of his second childhood." I shudder theatrically just to make sure he gets the point. "There'd be no place safe to hide."

Teal'c pulls the newspaper out from under his arm and hands it back to me. "Where is Daniel Jackson now?"

"Sleeping."

"Yet you would not take this opportunity to join him? On Chulak a mother would rest with her child, thus maximizing their bonding time."

"I'm sure they do the same thing here." Like I'm sure there's something in the sports section I missed. Curling? "However, Daniel isn't the problem here."

Teal'c drops his gaze to the table top, and mutters sourly, "Isis."

"You guessed it."

"It is most unfortunate you chose to name your feline after a Goa'uld of such ill repute. During the time of her reign it is said that even the highest ranked and oldest of the System Lords feared her wrath more than any other."

"See! I told Carter the cat was a goold but she didn't believe me."

"Isis has been dead for many hundreds of years."

"So she'd like to have you think! I'm tellin' ya, T, Her Evilness is alive and well and living it up in Colorado Springs." Teal'c offers me a rare shrug. "Eh, sounds plausible to me. I need more coffee; you want anything while I'm up? Prune juice, warm milk?"

"I have made my thoughts quite clear on the ingestion of warm bovine lactose."

"Right, one glass of air coming up."

"Ja!"

I turn just in time to see Daniel standing in his bedroom doorway, whorls of hair sticking out from the blanket he'd wrapped himself in, thumb just barely in his mouth.

"Well, it's about time, kiddo," I say, crouching down to scoop him up as he toddles over. "And here was me thinking you were going to sleep the day away."

"'sis?"

"What? No good morning, where's breakfast?"

"Na, Ja… 'sis!"

I'm getting a little too used to being rejected for the kid over his cat. "Outside gathering up an army of ants for her next conquest."

Daniel frowns and nestles deeper into his blanket. "J'fa?"

"Na, big ugly ones with shiny coats."

"J'fa!"

"What… no. Actually, now you mention it, I guess there is some vague resemblance."

"Weeeet!"

That's "sweet" in Daniel babble for the uneducated. "Yeah, buddy, sweet."

"Me down?"

"No diaper change first?"

"Na, Ja… down."

I need to grab him some breakfast and me another coffee anyway, so I set him down and watch as he toddles to Teal'c, does that hand-grabby action thing to be picked up, and then after a brief conversation that I'm not part of, he slides down and head out onto the deck.

"'sis!"

I can see the cat from here. She's perched on the deck railing and is swatting at passing ants, almost like she's herding them. Far from ignoring Daniel, which is what she does to me most of the time, unless there's food involved, she picks herself up and waits to be petted.

"Yoo has J'fa?" And so the conversation goes on, all one-sided, but all seeming to make perfect sense to the kid and his cat. I grab his bowl, load it with his favorite breakfast cereal of the moment, and head back to the table in time to see him standing with his hands on his hips, looking all defiant and authoritative. Isis is back with the ants, dividing her attention between him and her massing army.

"J'fa, kwee!"

Groan.

Which apparently Daniel has now taken control of.


End file.
